Transparency and Pain

Dale Carnegie says, "When you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically". That quick dose of wisdom is intended to help people make friends and influence people (great book), but there's another wildly valuable gem in that action- it creates POSITIVE PAIN.

Admitting when you're wrong hurts, but it also helps us grow faster. So let's take it to another level.

If admitting when you're wrong helps you grow, what would happen if you could find all your challenges before they became mistakes? What if we increase the stakes to connect more pain to the failure? Sounds mentally challenging, but that's one secret for growth.

Transparency is one way to do that. Transparency is an ethical leaders tool for making sure his mistakes are uncovered quickly and the visibility of the failure makes it more painful than if you could cover it up.

What are some areas in your business or marriage where you've been reluctant to be transparent? What is the fear that holds you back and what could you gain by letting go?

XThe Consequence of 90%

Don't give yourself excuses and you won't have any regrets

We've all heard coaches say give 110%. What the hell does that mean?

I'm not sure about 110%, but the consequences of only giving 90% can be real challenges to growing with change. Think back on a time when you gave 100%. I bet, regardless of the outcome, you were proud of yourself at the end of the day.

While personal pride is at stake when giving less than 100%, there's a second consequence called excuses. When you give 90% and the project fails you have an excuse. You can say if I had worked 10%
harder or done 10% more it would've been successful. This can keep you from recognizing the need for dramatic or systemic changes.

The secret, disempowering phrases I hear a lot are "We just have to do a better job of executing", "We just need to pay closer attention to these things", "We just need to communicate better". While these comments may be true and may help explain why things didn't work out they ultimately they don't really help you grow.

Stop giving less than 100% and you'll recognize the need for change a lot quicker.

The Power of the Third Party

Introduce a third party in a flattering way.

Have you ever tried to convince your significant other to change their dress style, mannerisms or annoying quirks?

If you have, you probably got burned and are a little wiser for it.

The truth is, we HATE to be corrected or rebuked. AND we hate it most from people we are closest to and we have a tendency to lash out in defense.

So how in the world do you get people to change? Enter the third party.

You may have seen a form of this technique in sales or speaker introductions. It starts with person A describing how credible/accomplished person B is and then when person B speaks, they are bestowed a tremendous level of respect. Suddenly, everything that comes out of their mouth is gospel and moving.

So the next time your wife asks you if you like the dress she chose, have her call a fashionista she respects and side step the whole debacle :)